Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
