I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Damn victory sex feels great
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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