the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize