You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
