dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
