omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
