I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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