If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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