Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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