I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
