Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
