"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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