I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
