pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
