Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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