I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
