Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
