What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's never too late to be topless.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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