Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
