Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
