please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
