i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize