I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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