he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And then he peed in my hair
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