How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
