When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
