Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
