I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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