Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.

Fav 11 1436 4150
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(416): View more from Toronto

After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is

Fav 19 1640 980
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(952): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

Fav 17 1179 1904
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(567): View more from Ohio

Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day

Fav 2 273 160
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(813): View more from Florida

Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.

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