Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
