i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize