you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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