I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
