mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
