Cold hands, warm shart.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
