I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize