my being single is dangerous.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
