"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
