Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
