He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
