My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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