Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
