take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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