So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
