hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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