apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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