Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found puke in my bra..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
