You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
NoShamevember. You game?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
