Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
