There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
