The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
