this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
