Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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