my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
