im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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