Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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