I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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