did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
