yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
