Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
