I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
