moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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