when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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