Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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