I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
